#183 – Are You Too Much? With Amy Taylor-Kabbaz

[00:00:00] Welcome to the happy mama movement podcast. I'm Amy Taylor-Kabbaz. I would like to start by acknowledging the Gadigal people of the aura nation on which this podcast is recorded as the traditional custodians of this land. And pay my respects to the elders past, present and emerging. And as this podcast is dedicated to the wisdom and knowledge of motherhood, I would like to acknowledge the mothers of this land, the elders, their wisdom.

[00:00:33] They're knowing and my own elders and teachers.

[00:00:38] Welcome back mamas. I believe the reason why my inbox and my direct messages in social media are constantly filled with messages from Mamas all over the world. Thanking me for the understanding of the matresence is because matresence is an invitation for us to look at how we believe we should act, and be. I know in some parts of the world at the moment, the conversation around motherhood is changing and it's so incredibly exciting instead of assuming that a mother knows how to be a mother how to prepare herself.

[00:01:22] And instead of assuming she will be fine once she is sent home from the hospital. Understandings around the fourth trimester, the first 40 days postpartum care. And yes, even matresence are beginning to expand. And it is so damn exciting. Because this is only the tip of the iceberg of what we need to change around how we support mothers in our world.

[00:01:45] But what I really want to bring awareness to is matresence is not just about the changes in ourselves in those first 40 days or even the first 12 months. What I have learnt around my study of matresence and coaching thousands of women over the last decade is that matresence is the tip of an iceberg. It is the start of an understanding of what you have been telling yourself.

[00:02:14] About who you should be. Matresence is an understanding that we carry inside us beliefs and stories around what it means to be a good mother and a successful woman. What it means to be a good wife or a good partner, what it means to be a good daughter, a good woman. And matresence is this beautiful invitation that says, Hey, you're changing.

[00:02:42] You're becoming someone new. And this process includes looking at the parts of yourself that you want to leave behind the parts of yourself that you've been judging the parts of yourself that you don't want to feel anymore. And instead, choose again. This was at the core of my Redefined program for years.

[00:03:05] It was a chance to step into a space where we got to decide for ourselves our own definition. It was a chance to look at what our beliefs were around being a mother. Do we believe we had to love every minute of it? Do we believe we had to be able to play Play-Doh and build Lego endlessly? Did we need to give up our work?

[00:03:30] Or did we go into motherhood with the belief that we shouldn't give up our work? Because being a mother is not enough. That's what has been at the core of everything I've been exploring for the last 10 years and why, as I said, I believe so many mothers have tears of recognition when they hear about matresence.

[00:03:53] Because what it does is show them that what they've been feeling about themselves in this massive change of becoming and being a mother is okay. And so what I've really been interested in lately is what other stories are we carrying? If we have such a profound transformation in looking at the stories around what it means to be a mother.

[00:04:21] And who we think we should be, then what are the other stories we carry around the roles and responsibilities in our life? And as part of this research, I began asking women in my life. What are the definitions they've been given? What are the stories they've been told about themselves since they were little and here are just some of the answers I received:

[00:04:49] Too sensitive.

[00:04:51] Too wild. Too caring. Too crazy. Too giving. Too loud. Too shy. Too bold. Too quiet. Too independent. Too needy. Too distant. Too angry. Too challenging. Too critical. Too sensitive. Too intense. Too forgiving. Too soft. Too distracted. Too ambitious. Too much.

[00:05:35] I wonder if they resonate with you? What I'm really interested in is all of the ways that we silence ourselves as women and as mothers. What I have seen and has been the greatest privilege of my working life is what happens when a woman begins to unpack and unravel the story she tells herself about who she should be as a mother.

[00:06:02] You have no idea how profound the transformation is in a woman. When she realizes that the stories she's been telling herself, or what I like to say is the inner mean mum and voice is not her true. And instead she gets to define it herself. So instead of thinking her anger is too much, can she sit with her anger?

[00:06:25] Can she look at it and see that it is a warning sign? That something is not right? Can she hold her anger with such reverence and deal with it in the right and beautiful way it should be? Rather than holding it down, like a balloon under the water that will eventually burst out with force. And what are the other stories she's carrying inside of her?

[00:06:52] That keeps her silent or angry or resentful. These are the things that I think we are here to learn. Through motherhood and through life. We get to see what stories we're carrying. I also think this is what happens in motherhood. When you see your children grow, how many times I've learned the lessons of what I tell myself by what I worry about with my kids.

[00:07:21] So if one of them is too quiet at a friend's house and just sits quietly in the corner, I start worrying. She's not friendly enough. She's not polite enough. She's too quiet. Too shy. And then on the other hand, if one of my kids is too loud and is the noisiest at the party and is incredibly emotional and sensitive and making a big deal about everything.

[00:07:43] And again, the inner mean mum, a voice kicks in, what will people think?

[00:07:50] By unpacking these stories? We carry about ourselves and what we've been told our whole life. I think, I believe we can completely redefine ourselves. And like I said, I think this is the gift of motherhood and matresence. Matresence is not just about how you feel about being a mother, but it opens a door to completely redefining all of these areas.

[00:08:20] I call them the definitions of being a woman. Which ones do you still carry? Which ones are you still holding onto? Because you were told your whole life, this is what I think we're here to uncover and discover together. And if this resonates with you, if you want to look how to redefine yourself through motherhood, through matresence , but also through all of these different definitions of being a woman.

[00:08:51] The doors to my membership, the village are now open to the public for the very first time. I'm really excited about this. For many, many years, I had a small and beautiful membership, a monthly membership, of women who had done my programs, who had looked at their definition of themselves through motherhood and realised they wanted to do so much more.

[00:09:20] They realised that there were stories about who they should be in their relationship, how they should feel about sex, how they should feel about their body, their career, money, power, their voice. And after spending a few months with me in one of my programs just wanted more and more. They realised that it wasn't just motherhood, that they had a limiting belief around.

[00:09:47] It was so many different areas of their life. And in the village every month we would look at that. There would be a theme, a topic, a definition, and we would explore, where did this come from? Why do we believe this? And how do we redefine it. And since my work has really expanded to now focus on the Mama Rising training and sharing the process of redefining through matresence with these amazing facilitators around the world, I realised that there needs to be a place for mothers to do this too.

[00:10:25] It needs to be a place where we gather and we talk honestly, and vulnerably and powerfully, about these definitions we carry. And so for the very first time, the village is opening to everybody. Whether you have newborn babies or teenagers leaving home in the village, we learn the ways of women together. This new monthly membership begins with a three week redefining process.

[00:10:58] So the program that I shared for many years with thousands of women is now condensed into the most beautiful three week intensive. This is the initiation into matresence. This is how you look at the definitions you carry around motherhood. We work together with me. To really redefine matresence for you. And then at the end of that three-week process, we welcome you into the village, a place where women gather to look at what we want to be, who we want to be and empower ourselves by supporting each other and getting coaching and training and support to be a new definition of mother, and woman.

[00:11:48] I'm incredibly, incredibly excited. If you couldn't tell. It is one of my favorite things to do, to share my space with this village of women. We get to know each other so beautifully. We meditate together every Monday morning, and if you've never done a meditation, please don't freak out. It is a beautiful, simple, easy process.

[00:12:08] And we gather together. In our pajamas with our kids around with babies on boobs, with bed hair, gathering together. We learn and we grow, we cry and we laugh. It is a place for you to celebrate and reflect, and it is open, now. We will begin the redefining process on the 7th of March, if you would like to join the link is in the show notes.

[00:12:40] Go to my website and click on programs and follow the links to the village. We are waiting for you. This is the place for you to take all those definitions. You have carried around being too much and instead, completely redefine what it means to be a powerful, strong, and beautifully defined woman and mother.

[00:13:07] I hope to see you there. Satnam.